I want to live and be free!!!

Julie over at Brown Eyed Belle posted the amazingest post about her bucket list. She also included a beautiful song that I had heard before, but never actually listened to the words. It brought tears to my eyes. Well, she got this little brain to ticking and I decided to post my bucket list :)

1. Meet a guy that can be my best friend and the love of my life, who can make me line but keep me sane, a guy that can be my Mr. Right

2. Get Married.

3. Have children.

4. Go to Hawaii.

5. Get a side piece tattoo.

6. Go to atleast one other tropical paradise.

7. Kiss in the rain.

8. Have a house with a wrap around porch.

9. Make my parents and grandparents proud.

10. Show all the other family members I have that are constantly trying to pull me down that I am somebody!

11. Own an SUV

12. Fly

13. Get my degree

14. Deliver a baby

15. Roadtrip across the US to somewhere

16. Go to a night club in a big city like Miami :)

17. Skydive

18. Ride a Mechanical Bull

19. Have a garden

20. Become a Zumba instructor

The list goes on and on, but I want to live a life well lived :)

It's just another day

I'm in such a blogging slump right now. I'm so sorry everyone. Not much has been happening here so I haven't had much to blog about. It's the same ol routine everyday.

I did however have a wonderful weekend.

Friday night I hung out with my sister, brother and law, and Stephen. We played horseshoes and drink coronas and they tried to teach me how to play dominos, but that definately did not work out so we swapped to Scrabble. I wish I knew what the deal with Stephen was. One minute he is quite and shy and the next he is picking at me and flirting and everytime I give up he comes back and gives me a glimps(sp?) of hope. Like Friday night when everybody went outside but us he was like "I know what that looks for" and I asked "What look?" and he said "the look on your face everytime you look at me". I was like "Oh you do" as my sister walked back in the house. After that I was texting a friend and he told me to stop texting my boyfriend and when I told him I didn't have one and it was a girl that I was texting he started touching my phone to make me notice him instead of it, but then the night ended and he went home and the next day he was back to his silent self.

We went to the beach on Saturday and it was amazing. It felt sooo good, although the ride there was pretty awkard because neither Stephen nor me really said anything unless we were talking to my sister or brother in law. The weather was perfect, but the waves however were really high and kept knocking my sister and me down and one got the bes of us and we called it quits. While we were sitting on the beach we started noticing some military guys walking on the beach in their uniforms. There wa fifty or more of them and they started stripping and changing into their bathing suit right now in front of everybody. Some had on their PT shorts and went swimming in those, but Oh my goodness it was a sight. We found out that they were Great Britains military and you should have heard those accents. I got suprised though because the only time Stephen and me really talkd at the beach was when he told me to stop checking out the guys..lol. The ride back home was even more awkard because I was sitting a foot away from him and he had his shirt off and it was driving me CRAZY!!!! We still never said anything. When we got home we grilled some hamburgers and played horseshoes while we waited. He yet again picked at me and flirted. And then after dinner he went home, which is across the street, and I haven't seen him since. I wish I knew what was going on!! These mixxed signals are killing me. Does anybody have any idea of what is going on or any advice for me?

I was excited to get some retail therapy done yesterday considering I haven't really done any shopping since I've been here. :)

Anyways, I hope everybody is having a wonderful week!!!

To the anonymous b**** that called me racist!!!!

For the person that left the really rude ass comment on my last post about my *oriental eating* this week this is for you. The last time I checked I had a very multi-cultural group of family and friends. For the info, my new sister in law is Phillipine and from Guam and we have been eating out at resturaunts only having sushi, soups, and rices because this is her daughters first week in the United States. For the info, my best friend is from Guam also. And if you really want to get technical almost all of my friends are of another race and from other countries like Equador, Venezuala, Columbia, and Mexico. Also, if I was racist I do not believe that I would not be in the Foreign exchange student program at the college that I attend and be a mentor to my friend who is from Korea. If I said the wrong word for the type of food I've been eating this week, then my fucking bad, but you coming to MY blog ( yeah did you get that, mine bitch) asking me if I am racist and making a comment like that tells me that you my friend might be the one that needs to back up and take a look at yourself and realize that you are probably the racist in this situation. Now pick up your chin, click the top of this page, and get the fuck off of it and never come back. This blog only has room for people who enjoy reading what I have to say and respect the blog that I've had for two years without any problems from rude ass people like you.

These heels are made for walking

This week has been eventful.

I have been running and running. I've been spending time with my sister and brother and his *wife* and her little girl.

I finally met her little girl and she is precious! She's so tiny and it's too cute when she is talking and then gets so excited and starts talking in her real language, which I'm not even going to attempt to spell.

I have ate some kind of oriental food everyday this week. I am seriously about riced out! One thing that I will never get tired of is the ginger salad you get at some of the oriental resturaunts though.

And then today, my brother and his fiance(now wife) finally tied the know with my sister, me, and her little girl there to witness it.

Like I said, I have had one eventful week.

Alright, considering all the sad stuff I have been posting I figure y'all could use a good laugh. Around here everybody is really country and they don't dress up to much. My sister lives in the middle of the country and it's been so hot and we usually only make trips to walmart and I don't see the point in wearing heels just to go to walmart. Well today I dressed up in a dress and heels and I promise you I couldn't even remember how to walk in the darn things :( I need to find me a guy or some friends closer to my age to go out with so I can dress up and wear heels and be myself :)

My life is a soap opera, care to watch the channel

*if you don't read any other part of this, please atleast read the last little paragraph*

I'm starting to think that my life could be a pretty darn good soap opera..lol

Friday night we grilled out for my brother in laws bday. I would love to say the night went wonderful, but nope...WRONG!!!
A friend of his came over and we all played horseshoes. By the time we ate and finished our game the guys were pretty gone. They realized that there was fireworks two houses down and ran inside and grabbed ours and took off. The people were hispanic and only the mom and little boy really could understand us, but we couldnt make the guys understand that. They were tooo gone and wouldnt listen to u about going back to the house. They started being sooo rude and embarrasing asking them if they knew how to make different stuff and they would go inside and make it and bring it out. They didnt mean for them to make the stuff, they just wanted the recipes but the people were really nice and kept offering them food. Well my brother in law put in to ask the man something and he went inside to use the bathroom. He was gone for a while and they started speaking well enough that I couldnt understand and then one of the guys went inside. I assume he thought he was stealing something, but nooooo my brother in law stopped their freaking toilet up. After they got it fixxed and we left they wanted to play yatzee, but half way through the game his friend started saying some REALLY mean things to my sister and my brother in law was to drunk to understand and I looked at him and asked him was he going to let his friend talk to hi wife that way and that got me and his friend in a big fight and I really almost punched the guy. I walked out of the room but then my brother and law and him got into it. Anyways after all that they made amends and he came and apologized. I'm glad he did because a little while later my brother in law was so drunk he started acting like a BIG jerk and we was scared! We called it quits and I learned why my bro in law is to never drink liquor again. He doesnt even remember half of the night.

Then Saturday we went out with my brother and like six of his military friends to this country barn thats a bar here in town. I've never been to a bar and actually stayed for more than five minutes. I already knew one of his guy friends from my brothers ball games and because he was one of my bros good friends and we had already been talking on facebook. When he came in he came right up to me and asked me about his nickname that I call him and let all the rest of the guys know that we talked on facebook kind of like he was marking his territory or something. Well when we got to the bar he didnt really say anything to me. He would walk up behind me and stand there and me being shy I just sat up in the balcony with my sister and brother in law. I am scared to dance in public..idk what to do about my shyness and self confidence! Anyways my sister even made a comment about how he should grow some backbone and speak to me already. Well the more he drank the more he did. He started to make jokes and make me laugh and just say stuff when he came up there. I sat in the balcony while my sister went and danced to the cha cha slide and he looked up and me and threw his hands out and pointed at the floor telling me to come dance, but I was tooo scared. So when he came up there he was like why arent you on the dancefloor with us guys (because my sister was back up there by then) and I was like because I don't know how to dance and he was like oh well i dont dance though I had just seen him try to do the cha cha slide. I was like sure and I told him I was pretty sure I had just saw him dance. Well next thing I know he was on the dancefloor. They all were and they were all drunk. My sister and me walked out there afew times to stand up front and watch the band, but I wasnt about to dance. People looked at you from the balconys in that place, i mean seriously. Anyways next thing I know the other guy that I would have cose of my brothers friends came up there and told my sis and her hubs to go dance and then he was like your coming with me and he grabbed my hand. I was like I cant dance and he said "Oh well, great time to learn" and he drug me down the stairs all the way to my brother and his friends never letting go of my hand. My brothers look was hilarious and so was the guy that I already knew. We ended up dancing the last 2 dances and then we all left. Later I looked up his facebook and found out he is engaged..WTF?

Then on Sunday my bro in laws friend came back and I tried my best not to flirt but I did, especially when he asked me to make him cupcakes. I've learned though that I'm scared he's like my bro in law so I am trying to not like him. I also feel he is avoiding me as well. He doesnt come over anymore, so oh well.

I feel like I'm just a game to all these guys. I mean can atleast one guy like me and not just play games with me and lead me on.

Also on Sunday I decided to go get my hair cut because it was starting to look bad because the back was getting longer than the front. I told the woman to leave the front below my chin about an inch. She did to begin with on one side and then went shorter on the other and from there she just kept cutting and cutting trying to get it even. It looked like crap and I pretty much just wished for it to be through. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I wanted her to add bangs. I was like no maam and paid her and left. I balled all the way home. Then when I got home and brushed it I realized that she had lots of missed hairs. I found hair that was the lenth it was supposed to be falling over the tops of one side and the other side was super short and gapped up. I have no clue what the woman did but I cried while my sis called management. I got my hair fixxed monday to where it looks better. The lady was so upset about my hair and it was sooo hard for her to fix the gappyness, but she was a good hairstylest and was able to do it and also gave my hair a bigger drop so the shortness of the front didnt make my face look so round. I still have no clue how I'm supposed to get a guy with this haircut!!!

Alright ladies, so my question for you is how do you build yourself up and make yourself confident? What do you tell yourself? What are your routines? What do you do to get your men? Any advice to boost the confidence of a girl with barely any is great and any tips on how to not be shy and on how to talk and mingle with guys is greatly appreciated!!!

Why I will never get married!! Today's the day I stop looking!

I feel like never ever getting married. After seeing the way relationships have falling part all around me and how people fight, I just don't think it's for me.I've seen my sister date all kinds of guys that beat her and she was married once and I watched him beat her, even stepped in between them before and then now she's married to a guy thats very verbally abusive. I made my strawberry trifle I posted a while back for dessert last night and my sister and I had some for dessert with our lunch today. He asked if we had eaten any today and I replied "yes" and then he proceded to yell at my sister saying (excuse my language) " M you need to stop fucking eating before you turn into a five hundred pound bitch". That's the least of the things I've heard him say. My mom only stayed her full eleven days because of the kids, she would have already gone back home because of the things he was saying to my sister in front of her. It's so disrespectful. I don't know how long I can deal with it without doing something myself. I honestly never want to get married and especially not if it's going to end in divorce which I believe this marriage will. I don't want to have to put my children through what I see my niece and nephew go through with their father. My brother also has been divorced and it hurt him a lot. He loved her and even got out of the air force and went into reserves just to make his marriage work for his daughter and the girl came home and ended up cheating on him. Now he barely sees his daughter because she tries her best not to let him see her. It really sucks, but I don't want the same bad luck that they have both had. I don't want to make those mistakes. UGH!!!! Today's been a hard day!

I'm still alive!

It's been so hectic around here. It's been hard to update.

The news on me:

I made it to NC. It was hard leaving my mom, but I knew she ws coming up here a few days after I left to spend time with my niece and nephew and come to my nieces bday party. I would have stayed and road up with her, but I knew I had to prepare for my nieces party.

Sadly I didn't get good pics of the party. It was amazing though other than the fact that the weather decided to play against us that day and it was in the hundreds. :(
We had wonderful decoations including a wanted sign with my nieces picture and goody bags made out of bandanas. We played twister and find the gold mine and many other games. We ate hot dogs and chips and then had a yummy two tier pink and blue bandana cake my mom and I made together. We also had yummy horsey cookies that my neice and nephew and I decorated together. The girls said this was the best party they had ever been to and decided on hiding a boy and my nephews guns which we finally found the next morning behind the dumpsters..lol. All in all it was an amazing party.

My mom stayed for a whole eleven days and we went to the cliffs of the neuse and we went to the beach. My brother went out of town for part of his yearly tours with the air force so we kid napped my sis n law for a few days and then he came back and we all went to the beach. The first weeks were hard with my brother in law working night shift, but his best friend who was his shift partner took a job in atlanta so he was swapped back to day shift on Monday, which has been a godsend. However apparently now his friend has to come back for 5 weeks to train someone and we arent sure when they are going to try to make them work.

My mama left on Sunday and I held it together but as she gave me my last hug in the car she started to tear up and cry. It hurt and I miss her, but it had to be done. She also took my niece and nephew to meet their dad so she had them for half of her long drive home.

Sadly she had to let me know Monday that when she got home Saturday my doggy that I had since I was seven, who was my best friend and went through the mill with me playing school (he would sit there in a chair while I read books and taught him...he was my little playmate) passed away minutes before she got there. He was old and we knew it was coming, but it still hurts.

As for the deal with my schooling stuff, I am going to do the interview, but am still planning on doing the nursing program and going on into midwifery. My mom talked to different people and they all said the program was not accredited and the teacher that was over it had just graduated. They said however that if I did want to get accredited that I would have to do like 400 extra clinicals and then take a test in hopes to pass, so it seems kinda fishy.

Well thats all the news for now!!! I'm off to make us soome yummy strawberry trifle for dessert tonight :)