You can't bake a cake without love

You have to bake with love they say,
but love was not around today.
I tried, I really did,
but behind my eyes tear drops hid.
Painful words of which you scolded me,
when all I wanted was for you to hold me.
Can't you see I'm hurting to
And all I want is to be loved by you?


They say you can't bake without love, well I guess it is true. I tried to bake two cakes today and I've never been one to mess up a cake, but one didn't rise and the others frosting wouldnt work. I was baking without love. No, the cakes are not the reason for my tears, but I sure wish they were. The ugliest cakes are often the tastiest. You see, no matter what I've done today it's not been good enough for my mom. The only thing I can think that she is doing is trying to push me away instead of just letting me leave on my own. My mom's never been without me and my parents had me because they didn't want to be alone and I knew the day I left home would be a hard day, but it's not like I'm leaving for good. I will be back in two months to live with them again. But, every corner I turned today, my mom left me fighting back tears. This is hard on me also. She's my best friend and I don't want to leave yet, but I know I have to. I don't want to leave on a bad note. Right now, with the way she has treated me today, I just don't want to come back. I'm hurting just as much as she is. I've fought my tears in front of her, but I just can't fight them anymore. I'm scared because not only is she being mean to me, but she's being mean to my dad. What if she keeps on doing that? Will he be able to stay around these two months that I'm gone? I love my mom, but she's breaking me right now. A part of me just wants to unpack my things and say screw it, but I have to do this for me. I wish I knew what to do! She's never criticized my cake making and she is constantly saying hateful things and giving me the silent treatment. What do I do when I just feel like giving up?

I'm a worry wart!

Today was kind of a hard day. Reality has sunk in that I am spending he longest amount of time away from my parents than I've ever spent away. I've spent a weekat a time and a weekend at a time away quite a few times, but never so much as a few months. It is really painful when I am as close to my parents as I am. I even got so down at one point in time today that it dawned on me that my parents are up there in age. They arent doing so hot. Moms having trouble breathing and is coughing a lot and dad was told by the eye doctor that he needed to get his cholesterol checked and he's been having cramps in his legs because he doesnt have enough salt in his system. I am really worried about them. They both need to go see doctors, but are too darn stubborn. Then I realized all of the kids will be 10 hours away in NC and will take forever to get to them if something happened, so I picked up the phone and asked my best friend, who is like a third daughter to my parents, if she would go check on them if something was to happen. Can't you tell I worry to much?

Okay, so here are the majors/careers I have in mind:

Sonography( my major now that I can't continue with at my college because it is apparently not accredited)
CNM ( Midwife)
Neonatal Nurse
Nutritionist/ Dietician
Something to do with Culinary
Wedding Planner
Event Planner
Pediatrician

I have to have a hands on job. I want a job that I wont get bored at. I love children and always wanted to be an OBGYN ( I know I stated that in the previous post). I love to cook and I love to plan events. I love to throw parties. I also find everything about weddings fascinating. I just don't know what to do.

What is your career/major?

I need a new major :(

Well, it's me again. "Shoulda" known. I hope you wasn't expecting anybody special or anything, if so, I am sorry that I devastated you.

I got some horrible news today. Most of you, who have been following me for a while know that I wanted to be an OBGYN, but I felt that my hands shaked to much for me to actually waste my money to go to school to be a doctor if my hands were going to shake to much to do it. So, I thought and thought and decided on a Sonography program my college had as a two year program. I was going to specialize in ultrasounds on women and pregnant women. I found out today after a year of taking classes for this program that even if I get my degree for the program that I will only ever be able to work at one of the hospitals here in town and nowhere else. I am highly mad and am really upset that I now have to find a new major. My third choice was a Neonatal(sp?) nurse, but I spent my time applying for this program and can't apply for the nursing program. So now, I need a new major. As you can tell I like medical work and children. I just don't know what to do. I would love to just be a stay at home wife and mommy one day, but you know you have to actually meet a guy first and who knows if that guy would even agree with me on doing that. :( I have to live in the now and that is finding a new major by fall, any suggestions?

I also got news that the guy I like that is my sisters husbands bestfriend might be taking a job in GA, while I am going to NC, so I may never actually get the chance to see if there is anything there between us. I guess if he takes it and I never get to see him then it apparently wasnt meant to be.

Can I get a Yee Haw..lol..

I feel like a cowgirl right now....

I'm sorry I have been a slacker this week. I didn't even do my usual Fashion Friday post this week :( Did I just hear you gasp? Haha I know I know, I'm such a bad blogger. It just so happens I have been packing to leave for my summer move to NC. I'm super excited, but super nervous at the same time. I also have been planning my nieces birthday. Oh my goodness, I was fine until today looking for cupcake toppers and cookie cutters. Apparently every store has a rodeo section, but neither cupcake toppers nor cookie cutters in anything that has positively anything to do with a rodeo party. Anyways, I finally ordered the cookie cutters offline and brought a bandana themed cake tattoo set. Has anybody ever used cake tattoos? Do they work good? I brought some cute decorations and everything for the goody bags and am finally plopping down for some rest!!!! Thank the lord!!!

You better stop kissing, you're gonna swallow a bug!!!

I promise I am the most confusing person in the world. I spent my day yesterday on facebook iming one of my exes friends. YEAH YEAH, I know. Boundaries Carie, Boundaries! But I went to school with this boy and only saw him one time in the 9 months that my ex and me were dating. Anyways, I promised myself that I wouldnt talk to anybody in GA, because of the big move to NC for the summer. I really didn't want to get involved with anyone in GA because it would be hard for me to leave. Well, last night my bestie and me were going to go take pictures. Well her boyfriend decided to go and I slipped up and told "S" that I was going to take pictures and he asked if he could come. I was like "Why would you want to come watch two girls take pictures?" He replied "Why wouldn't I?" So he met us and seeing as how it took my friends bf forever to get ready we didnt make it to take pictures before dark, but here are a few of the pics from last night...





(The boys were snapping pictures 90 miles an hour, and not doing a very hott job of it)


(So us girls had to do it ourselves...hmmph!!)


(And then Tyler(besties bf)wanted to join in, so we go "S" to take the pic, but morgan knocked me in the head so expressions say it all)


(And here is a pic of me and "S" at sonic. Sorry it's so blurry!!! Isn't my car pretty in the background though :)

Anyways it was a really fun night and he said he would call me today, but he hasnt yet so..idk!! Not really going to stress about it though because I'm leaving in a week and a half and I might have a thing with another "S" (same name) in Nc. Actually the other "S" is coming with my sister and her husband to spend the weekend with my family and pick me up. My summer is going to be about quality time with my sister and my niece and nephew and not guys and broken heart, so I'm not going to sit here and hope and pray for anybody to date and for a Mr. Right. If it's meant to be it will find it's way through all of that. And before you ask, yes, "S" that I hung out with last night does know I am leaving, but he already knew that.

And get this, my ex blew up his phone last night. We are sure he didn't know that "S" was with me, but it was really weird because he would call every five minutes, so maybe that has something to do with why I haven't heard from him. Oh well, no sweat baby!

Did I confuse you with this? If I did I'm so sorry, My brain confuses me also :)

I'm seeing baby blue and cowboy boots!

Hi lovelies, I had a wonderful weekend. I hope you all did also. I spent time with my brother and his fiance and his little girl. We went to Panama City, Fl Saturday and had a good time at the beach and even ate at Pineapple Willies. Sunday I spent my day outside reading a book while my niece played with her mustang and her bicycle.

AND...........DRUMROLL PLEASE.........................


Today we found out that I will no longer just have one nephew!!! Thats right...

IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!



Anyways I've got pretty much every part of my niece's rodeo party planned out, but I need suggestions on music for an eleven year old's party.

Also, any ideas for a cake or cupcakes for a rodeo party?

Getting to know You!

1. The most expensive thing hanging in my closet is.....?
my prom and pageant dresses...my senior prom dress or my miss junior america pageant dress are probably the most exspensive




2. Have you ever played a team sport?
I was a played softball..I could play most of the bases, but I was a fast pitch pitcher..I miss those days :(




3. If you were a bug, what kind would you be?
A Lady Bug





4. Where on your body is the worst place to get sunburned?
my scalp..lol..i hate it when my part line gets burnt and if it gets burned bad it will decide to peel and that really sucks!




5. Are you happy?
I am..things might be hard in some areas, but i have people that give me hope :)




6. People are always abbreviating..are there any abbreviations that make your skin crawl when people use them?
hmm honestly I dont know. I think I am good with everything, although sometimes jw and jk gets on my nerves soo bad!!




7. Do you love where you live..or could you live anywhere?
I've lived hear all my life..I love it, but I would like to see some other places. It's going to kill me to leave this place though, even if its for 2 months.




8. What, if any, extreme measures do you go to to keep yourself from overeating when you're full?
I stop eating when I start feeling full.





9. What is one thing that you truly do just for you?
manicures and pedicures




10. Are you where you want to be in your life?
I get closer and closer everyday :) I will be there one day!




11. If you could be on any reality TV show, which would it be?
I have no clue. One with cute outfits :)




12.What dream are you working on right now?
finishing school and finding mr right




13. Ohhh Best book you have read lately?
it was a harlequin romance book..lol




14. Most annoying habit of your mate? C’mon share…I’m sure they aren’t looking.
i dont have one :( SOON!




15. What is your favorite thing to do on your birthday?
Be with family and good friends




16. What is the best idea for a Wedding gift?
something cute and personal..a little piece of you and a little piece of them




17. What is one thing you look back on in your life and think “I can’t believe I survived that.”
my crazy soap opera of a life :)

Fashion Friday :)

My brother and his fiance have been in town so it has been very hectic, but I still made it around to do fashion friday :)










Outfit:
dress: ross $12.99
shoes: dollhouse $12.99
headband: ??? dollar store maybe???
rings: ebay
nechlace: kohls $2.99

My mama modeling her mothers day nechlace I gave her and her new car :)






I hope you have a wonderful Fashion Friday and a great weekend!!

Someone get me out of this funk!

I'm having a serious hard time lately, between my weight and what I found out at the doctor the other day. I want to talk about it so bad, but I just don't know how and it honestly sucks. I want to be skinny(well 20 lbs lighter and happy), I want to be healthy, I want to not be stressed and I just want to get on with my life!

I know my posts have been blah lately and I'm sorry. I've been in this horrible funk. I promise I will pull out of this funk in the next few days.

Anyways, when I am stressed....I bake!!! So seeing as how my brother and his fiance(and peanut...we get to find out monday if its a little girl or a little boy) are coming into town tonight, I had the perfect reason to bake. So I found a recipe for some yummy peanut butter cupcakes and they are yummy. Now they shall sit there and wait for them to eat :)

Here's the recipe:

Peanut Butter Cupcakes
1 pkg. yellow cake mix
2 eggs
1/3 c. oil
1 1/4 c. water
3 tbsp. creamy peanut butter

Mix all ingredients until smooth; pour batter in paper lined tin. Bake at 350 degrees while cupcakes cool.

FROSTING:

1 c. chocolate syrup
1 c. creamy peanut butter

Blend until smooth.

YUM!!! Hope you enjoy!

a blah day so a yum recipe :)

I had a busy weekend and a doctor's visit first thing this morning. My doctor's appointment didn't go so hot, so I don't have much to talk about. I did however try out a yummy recipe that Go Graham Go! posted recently. I took it to my Grandparents yesterday for our dessert and between us and my aunts coming in to see my grandma for mother's day there was none left to bring back home. It was SOOOOOOOOO yummy! I highly recommend this recipe.

Strawberry Trifle:

Ingredients:

1 package of instant vanilla pudding (5 oz)
1 large tub of frozen whipped topping
1 Angel Food Cake cut into pieces (bought mine from Ingles on special for $1.99)
1 package of fresh strawberries (cut in halves)
4 bananas sliced
3 cups of milk

Preparation:

Prepare your vanilla pudding according to the package (usually requires 3 cups of milk). Layer the angel food cake pieces on the bottom of the bowl. Pour the pudding over the angel food cake and layer bananas, strawberries, and whipped topping. Repeat this to form another layer that ends in whipped topping. You can decorate the top with a few remaining strawberries. Stick your strawberry trifle in the fridge and serve it chilled.


I hope you try this and enjoy it as much as we did!

Fashion Friday: Mothers day edition

My dad is heading out of town for the weekend to work, so we went ahead and went out to eat tonight for Mother's Day. Here is what we wore:





Dontcha just love my pissed off look!
















My outfit:
shirt-ross $7.99
pants-american eagle (thrifted)
Vera Wang shoes-kohl's $6.99
rings: ebay and thrifted
bracelet and earring: gift from sister from myrtle beach

Mom's outfit:
shirt-ross $7.99
blue jean jacket- ross $12.99
jeans- ross $12.99
shoes- dexter @ payless $14.99
watch- kohls $4.99
diamond earrings- ?????


I just love going out to eat and running into guys from my past. I knew that this guy wored at Outback, but I didn't see him the whole time we was eating. He is the Bartender. But when we was leaving guess who I had to walk right by...hmmm...none other than Mr. lets lead her on and then leave her!! He didn't look at me once, not twice, but he took three looks and then smiled. I was like WTF???? I hope you've grown up in the past 4 years son or else you better just keep on looking. I find it hilarious when you look really good and run into people from your past and they see what they could have had..hmmm. I'm feeling great right now and can't get this song out of my head!!!

It's Friday, I'm in love: a tribute to my mama

My Mama

I love my Mama more than anything in the world.

She is my best friend and I tell her everything. Thats right she has known "everything" that I've ever done or gone through in life.

My Mama always has an answer and always has an ear to listen to me and a shoulder for me to cry on when I need it.

I've only seen my mama cry a few times in my life and those times were deaths and when my brother and sister and me drove her insane. I promise we have put her through more than I think any mother could handle. Put it this way " 2 divorces, my sister got married at 16 after my mom couldnt control her anymore and thought the only way to keep her was to allow her to do it, my brother going over seas often, raising grandkids and then having them leave all of a sudden after nine years(but it was for the best so that they could start a better life in a different state with their mama), and the list goes on..none of this even counts what I have put her through.

I hope to be half as strong as my mama one day.

And I have no clue what I am going to do this summer without her. *tears* This is going to be so hard, but I have to do it.

My mama never wore make-up and just went all natural. She had the horriblest bangs when I was growing up that I can remember her hairspraying and teasing every morning. And she always wore these two piece dress suits.

When I became a teenger and my brother and sister went there seperate ways, mama realized how much of a fashonista I was. She went to me to auditions and took me to Florida every other weekend for my modeling classes that I had to go to for my modeling agency. She went with me to every pageant I ever went to and when I had to give it up because I was to sick, she went with me to every doctors visit and sat beside my bed in the hospital for weeks at times when I was admitted.

When I broke everything growing up and had to be on crutches often, my mama took me and picked me up from school. This entitled her having to carry my heavy books in and out of the school evey morning.

My mama is the best thing to ever happen to me and I would be totally devastated if I ended up with any other Mama.

Well, Mama doesnt wear those bangs are those horrible suits anymore, because she developed style right along with me.

I am sure of one thing and one thing only about leaving this summer and that is that I know that no matter what my mama will be able to pick out her own clothes and shoes on her own now, because I taught her well. We do have one teensy weensie little problem, I'm not sure if I can actually get her to go shopping by herself though :(

I told her however if she needed an expert opinion that she could always text me the pictures of her goodies and I could help. That made her feel better :)

So here is my fashionista of a Mama and the woman I can't live without: