You are forever in my life!

Isn't it funny how life has to knock you to your knees, before you realize you should have been there praying all along.

Life is just so overwhelming, but I won't lose hope!

*When you are down to nothing, God is up to something!*

I thought I had finally found the right path. I thought I was yet again making some progress.

I sat in church Sunday morning and heard a sermon that meant a lot to me. It reminded me that I am covered in the blood of Jesus. The devil can try but he can not touch me.

"I know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for." (Jeremiah 29:11)


God has a plan for me and apparently what I had planned for my future is not what he has planned for my future. I had been trying to get into a few different programs at my college after the my original plans fell through and was shooting for the Respiratory Care Program.

However as I set at my grandparents house after church on Sunday and after praying countless times for a sign or something to lead me down the right path, something told me that I needed to go to college at the university in my grandparents town. I wasn't sure what was going on because my grandma, grandaddy, and aunt were talking about my grandmother's daycare, but all of a sudden that popped in my head and then I thought to myself "am I needed to help with the daycare while I go to school?", "Am I supposed to go to school here so I can be involved in my church more?", or "Am I just supposed to go to school here or was that even real?".

I prayed with my aunt about my future and getting a sign and somehow or another getting to that place God wants me to be.

After filling out 5 applications to different programs last night I found a something that would keep me from getting into ever last one of them but the Respiratory Care Program. I was sure it was meant to be.

I was feeling pretty strong minus having to add more classes and not having a back-up without waiting another two semesters before I could apply to the other programs. I felt strong.

As if I didn't already know the devil was trying his best to get to me, I sat down to read my bible, which has been a little electronic bible that allows me to read what I want and look up what I want. I picked it up and began to read only for the batteries to die on me. So I said I will not let you have this one Devil, I will not allow you to keep me from moving forward. I will do this. So I remembered before Spring Break I had been doing the One Year Bible on the computer and had stopped so I pulled it up. Recently I've been having problems with my 3rd computer charger cord to where my computer shuts off if the cord comes out and the cord will not stay in. As I was trying to read the passages I could not get started past a line without it turning off. I finally told the devil that I was covered by the blood of Jesus and he might as well go somewhere else because I was going to read my bible whether I had to go get the real thing and guess what? I read a whole 6 days worth of readings which are about 6-8 short paragraphs or chapters from different books of the bible on each days. So thats a total of atleast 36 paragraphs and I didn't want to stop reading, but I couldn't hold my eyes open.

I prayed about my future and went to bed.

I felt so strong all day today but just had this feeling something else was going to come up. My mom, who I've mentioned before works at my college and has permission to talk to people and view my info, came home with bad news. I would not be able to get into the respiratory care program until next fall. I did not cry or fuss this time because I had just read Jerimiah 29:11 as my mom was pulling in the yard and posted it as my status on facebook. I did not know it but God was already telling me he had other plans. As I was sitting there after dinner I thought about the message I was given while at my Grandmas Sunday and I looked up the school and guess what? They have the major I have been wanting to do. They have Social Work. Better yet, they even have a Scholarship for students wanting to work with children. And the school is only an hour away in the town with my Grandparents, my moms family(the only family besides my immediate family that has anything to do with me), and my church. What more could a girl ask for? I pray, pray, pray that I get into this program! I want this more than anything in the world! I feel this is my calling!!!

Please keep me in your prayers and pray that I get in and everything goes okay! I want and need this more than anything!!!




P.S. A friend of mine posted this on FB today and I thought you all MUST watch:


And this is the song that has gotten me through these last few days:

"Courageous"

I am so excited that a new Sherwood movie is coming out! I'm sad that I have to wait until the end of september to watch it, but oh well it will be worth it. I live in the town that the Sherwood Church is located and the movies have been made right here in my hometown. It is so exciting for a small town. Not to mention a recent disney movie had parts of it shot here also. The Disney movie is called "The Odd Life of Timothy Green". Anyways that is a whole different movie than the one I'm here to post about. For those of you who don't know who this Sherwood group I am talking about, I am here to tell you. Sherwood put out Facing the Giants and Fireproof and guess what, they have another movie headed our way September 30th! I'm so excited. Check it out http://www.courageousthemovie.com/

What is a girl to do?

What do you do when you are in the middle of trying to figure your life out and someone comes along and wants to help make it better?

What do you do when you are not physically attracted to the person who is physically attracted to you? But yet they are charming, funny, Godly, and can sing.

What do you do when someone has all the attributes you want in a man, but appear at the wrong time without the looks you imagined them to have?

I know I sound shallow, but this is just something I need some insight on. I don't base my relationships off of looks, but aside from him being charming, funny, Godly, and having a good voice, he in no way is my type. He is punk rock when I am a city/country girl (if there ever was a mix). I've always been attracted to tall, dark haired guys and he is average redheaded (and when I say redheaded, I mean a ton of red hair and a red beard). He is nothing that I imagined myself being attracted to, but what if? What if? That's all I can ask myself.

I'm so scared of letting the man God has in store for me pass me by that I'm scared to pass him up, but yet again the question hits me, What if? What is a girl to do?

Roses and Thorns

Roses to no longer being sick (other than my typical allergies) and having a horrible hacking cough..lol

Roses to having an amazing 20th birthday Tuesday!

Roses to finally finding the perfect Easter dress after trying on more than twenty dresses.

Roses to my new blue suede shoes!

Roses to having a heart to heart with my favorite sales lady at Kohl's last night. See shopping is really therapy.

Roses to getting my tan and workout on while washing the boat that hadn't been washed in over a year. (Keep in mind this is the country so it had lots of yuckies on it from the trees)

Roses to having lots of new cute clothes thanks to the shopping spree my mommy took me on for my bday :)

Roses to possibly going to the Arena Football game tomorrow night. Go Panthers :)

Thorns to having to change my major again.

Thorns to the no-good-sucky week I've been having (minus the one good day, my Birthday).

Thorns to not being able to do what makes me happy.

Thorns to not being able to go to the lake tomorrow to celebrate my birthday, because of rain, one besties dad being in the hospital, and the other not being able to get off of work :(

Thorns to being so sleepy and sad lately!

Thorns to having a horrible backache from pulling a muscle or something while cleaning the boat.

Thorns to not being able to fnd my whole package of brand new contacts. I hate wearing glasses!

Thorns to having a big ol mess to clean up in my room. I have yet to unpack my clothes from spring break. I hate unpacking..bleh. I did unpack the clothes I wore the day I got home, so no my stinky clothes are not still laying around in a bag somewhere..haha

Thorns to having to decide whether to do a career degree program, graduate with general studies at the end of Fall, go an extra semester or overload myself in fall to graduate with my social work or psychology degree, and last but not least to decide what college to go to next :(

Another rant about school..

I'm not myself lately. I'm tired of getting my hopes up. Everytime I think I am on the right track and feel like I'm headed in the right direction something always comes along to change things. This will be the 5th time that I've had to change my major and the third time in the past month or two. I'm not happy about this one bit. I had my hopes up to be able to graduate with my social work or pshychology degree in the fall only to be told that freaking Anatomy & Physiology I was forced to take due to nursing doesn't even count as a science so I have to take two more science's on top of a packed summer class schedule and a definite packed fall schedule. My choices: go 3 more unwanted semesters only to go to another school for a few more years? go 2 more unwanted semesters and graduate with a general studies major and still have to go on to school somewhere else for a few years? apply for dental hygiene, physical therapy, cardiovascular technology, health information technology, human sevices technology, or medical laboratory technology and go to school for another year or so and graduate with a career? or just give up all together for a while and work?

I'm not sure. I wish there was an easy answer because everything about this sunject makes me want to cry. So far I am hating my twenty's because I've spent a whole day crying about my future. I'm so tired of stressing and crying about school. It is not supposed to be this stressful and everybody who has no clue about what is going on in the situation just keeps saying "It's life. It's just a phase of growing up." Excuse me, not everybody goes through this. They don't get their hopes up every time to be told they can't do what they dreamed of doing.

I wanted to be an OBGYN all my life only to take one stupid medicine that was prescribed to me for my medical issues that caused my hands to shake to wear I can't even poor a drnk into a glass without shaking like I'm on drugs or somethings wrong with me. And I absolutely hate the question "ARe you okay? Why are your hands shaking like that?" It's just what I do.

I wanted to be a sonographer only to find that after I got accepted into the program that the program had lost its accredidation so I ended up deciding not to go through with it because I would only be able to get a job in the town I've lived in my whole life. If I ever moved I would have to go back to school because my degree wouldn't transfer.

Then I decided to go to school for nursing. I decided that a midwife would be an amazing job for me and be close to the original OBGYN that I wanted to be. After retaking many classes so that they were "Nursing major happy" meaning I had to retake classes like Anatomy and Physiology because the ones I had were labeled "for healthcare" and those were not accepted in nursing. Then after two times applying to get into the nursing program and both times being denied. I just decided that I didn't have time to keep applying and getting let down. That got me to thinking if a nursing job was really meant for me. I want a husband and a family and I want to be able to attend family functions on the weekend and not always be working. I know many of you out there are nurses and I give you so much credit, but there is some reason why I did not get in twice and apparently it is not meant to be for me.

Then I decided that I would like to swap to Psychology which got me to doing research and I decided that I really wanted to graduate with a Social Work degree. Both have the same classes for a social work degree. I have a better chance of getting a job with a social work degree than with a associates in psychology so I decided the go with social work, which seemed like the right thing for me. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulder and that I could always swap to Psychology if I didn't like Social Work.

And then, here I am today sad, crying, hurting again because I don't know where to go from here. Mom's mad at me because everytime she brings up the subject I start crying ans telling her I just don't want to talk about it. Apparently according to her it's not the end of the world. But it is when you are tired of school already and tired of just standing still and not getting anywhere after so much hard work. And yet she now just wants to throw me into a degree when I've been telling her from the beginning: I want all or nothing and I don't just want some career that I wont be happy with. And then I also have said that I probably will never go back to school if I graduate with a career degree that automatically get's me a job after all I've been through with college so far.

Sorry for ranting to you all about school, but this is a diary to me so I have to come here and let it all out :(

Wee Bit Wednesday!!

{one} have you ever fainted?
yep, when I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I passed out in the bathroom but we don't know why..lol

{two} what is your favorite casino game?
texas hold'em..I'm not big on casino games...I was learning how to play poker with my sister, brother in law, and steven last summer, but it's been so long I don't think I remember to much about it..lol

{three} do you have a good sense of direction?
Yes, I can be asleep on the way somewhere and my parents will wake me up to tell them which way to go and I can just about tell you from the turns where we are at, but I look up just in case..lol

{four} laptop or desktop?
laptop

{five} what is your go-to hair style when having a bad hair day?
pull my hair back down the center with bobbypins

{six} do you read the newspaper on a daily basis?
nope, I watch the news a little at lunch time. Facebook usually keeps me up to date..haha...well that and my father :P

{seven} do you have a favorite celebrity chef?
Paula Dean and Rachael Ray

{eight} what tv show would you like to make a guest appearance on?
One Tree Hill

{nine} do you have satellite radio in your car?
Not in mine, but mom has it in hers and sadly I drive hers more than mine.

{ten} what was the last movie that made you cry?
Dear John, when I watched it again the other night at the grandparents..it always gets me..lol

What I'm Loving Wednesday!!

That my birthday was yesterday! I turned the big 2 0!!!!


That my bestie got me this cute hat for my bday along with a lot of other cute goodies and yumminess that I don't need! hehe oh well..its a gift :)

It says: It's my Birthday!!

My cute bday shoes I brought from Kohl's over the weekend! LOVE!!!

Escuse my bad pedicure...I was in a hurry..oops!

Forgive me for the photosession that follows..I was trying to see if 20 looks any different on me!!





Songs I'm loving!!!








I'm loving that I get to wake up to some yummy chocolate cracker barrel coffee thanks to the biffle!

I'm loving that this weekend I get to celebrate my bday with a trip to the lake. Including a picnic, fishing, tubing, boat riding, tanning, talking, having a good time, and cheesecake! Plus a hike for exercise :)

I'm loving that a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I feel like I am on the right track and doing what I am called to do :)

I'm loving that mi madre took me shopping over the weekend and I got lot's of cute outfits, the shoes above, and these cute blue suede heels by candy's :)

I'm also loving that we celebrated my church's 20th year this past Sunday. I can't believe the church and me get to celebrate our birthday's together. :)

I'm loving so, so much this week, but to save you from the boredum I will stop here. What are you loving this week?

I'm not loving that I had my hopes up for this pretty yellow dress (the color I'm loving this year) that was on the cover of the belks weekly sale catalog and when I got there to get it, it wasn't as pretty in person as it was in the pics. Now I have no clue what dress I want for Easter. What are you planning to wear?

Today is my Birthday..

I can cry if I want to!!!!


Today is the big 2 0 for me!!!


I'm not sure if I'm excited about that or what, but either way, YAY me!!!

****SIGH****

...of relief!!!

I am happy to say that after a lot of thinking and crying and praying I have come to a decision about school.

After sitting down and talking to my mom (and crying) and making list after list after list I have come to the conclusion that I would like to major in Social Work with a minor in Psychology. I would do it the other way around, but due to the fact that I can graduate with my Associates in Social Work or Psychology at the end of Fall semester and I have a better chance of getting a job with an associates in Social Work, I have decided to graduate with a Social Work degree so that I can work while going to school to become a Case Worker or a Psychologist or ahmmmhmmm...Both..lol.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I have always had a calling to help people and when I was younger this was what I wanted to be. Except, I wanted to be an art therapist. I think this is meant for me.

I am so happy to finally be able to rest tonight without having to stress about what move to make next!

(I know this is boring to all of you, but it's a milestone for me!!)

"Hoo", What, When, and "Wear" :P

So what is a girl like me to do during Spring Break while it's raining? hmmmm....Oh, of course..Shop!!! Here are some of my new cute finds I added to my jewelry collection!!


{Does your chain hang low?}



{I'm obsessed with owls, bows, and two finger rings}


That's not all that I brought considering I did have to go buy new handy dandy black flippy floppers because some hephers stole my shoes while I was out on the beach with my friends one night..ugh! But, I'm in love with those so I had to post!!

And just because I've seen this little bad boy floating around blogs and I thought it would be fun to show everybody how true to my side of the country I am:



I promise I will make it all the way over to California one day :)

Well I didnt get in....

I knew I wasn't going to get in again, but getting that letter in the mail still really sucks. I feel like I am just wasting my time. I don't even believe that it is what I want to do anymore so why care. I really want a huge change in my life. I want a new town, but I want someone to go with me. I don't want to go alone. The bestie didn't get her letter today, but maybe she will get hers tomorrow. She said she probably isn't going to get in either, but she possibly could. She has a better GPA than me.

Honestly I felt like I have been pushed into this major after my original major's program lost it's accredidation and I believe that although I always wanted to be a Midwife that nursing is really not the thing for me. I have no clue what I want to do, but this just doesn't feel right and after 2 attempts to get into the program at my college I think it's safe to say that it just isn't meant to be.

So now what do I do?

I really want to move to Tampa where my brother lives. I want a change of scenery, preferably with a beach. There I atleast have someone I know and if my friend doesn't get into nursing program she has family that lives there also. But then, we have the dilemma of out of state tuition. I would be okay with taking a break from school, but if I mentioned taking time off from school it would be completele suicide. I honestly am at a loss and have absolutely no idea what to do. I'm beyond stressed and all I've wanted to do the past few days is cry! I'm completely lost!!!

And I really don't want to have this discussion later with my Mom because she is pushing me to go about an hour away to a college and try to get into the nursing program there. Honestly, I don't want to. Odds are I won't get in there either and I will just end up stuck at a stand still there to.

***Side-note: She just called and is already pushing the application for the other college on me!!!!***

Why do I have to be the one that doesn't know what to do with my life? And why is it such a crime to just need a break from school?

Lehhhgo ;)

I've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of decision making. I however do believe that I could use some back-up insight on my plans!

Anyways, I have been on spring break the past week which was absolutely amazing. I will post pics as soon as the bestie gets them posted and sent to me.

Certain circustances have gotten one of my besties and me doing a lot of thinking and we have made some decisions. Due to the fact that we have both tried before to get into the nursing program at our small college and have both gotten denied and we have recently taken the test again and reapplied and should get results back next week, which we both are pretty sure that we will be denied again due to the large amount of people applying to get into the small program.

We have two choices. We can go to a college thats about an hour away and let our parents help us out with an apartment and try to juggle a job and nursing..eek! Could be what we have to do.

Or we could get a job as soon as we get our letter and take off for the summer or continue to do a few online classes and then do what we have really been wanting to do and work until we save up enough money to move to Tampa (where my brother and his family lives, but not with his family) and take online classes at the school we are going to until we can transfer to a college there and continue our classes. Or we can go ahead and graduate at the end of summer semester with a degree until we decide to go on with our educution.

It's a lot of decision making, but we both really want a change of scenery, preferable Tampa with the beach. We also both know that as long as we stay here we will depend on our parents and we need to learn to do things on our own. We also are tired of this small town drama and know that we will not be able to get away from our exes and the drama this town has until we move somewhere else, atleast for a little while. Not to mention, I don't fit in here. We love to dress up and even adding heels to an outfit on Friday nights or even wearing a dress gets you stared at the whole time. I need somewhere bigger, somewhere better where I can be myself and be accepted for who I am. I honestly believe that this is really what we need!

Do you think I am out of my mind or do you think I am on to something? What would you suggest me do?