Another rant about school..

I'm not myself lately. I'm tired of getting my hopes up. Everytime I think I am on the right track and feel like I'm headed in the right direction something always comes along to change things. This will be the 5th time that I've had to change my major and the third time in the past month or two. I'm not happy about this one bit. I had my hopes up to be able to graduate with my social work or pshychology degree in the fall only to be told that freaking Anatomy & Physiology I was forced to take due to nursing doesn't even count as a science so I have to take two more science's on top of a packed summer class schedule and a definite packed fall schedule. My choices: go 3 more unwanted semesters only to go to another school for a few more years? go 2 more unwanted semesters and graduate with a general studies major and still have to go on to school somewhere else for a few years? apply for dental hygiene, physical therapy, cardiovascular technology, health information technology, human sevices technology, or medical laboratory technology and go to school for another year or so and graduate with a career? or just give up all together for a while and work?

I'm not sure. I wish there was an easy answer because everything about this sunject makes me want to cry. So far I am hating my twenty's because I've spent a whole day crying about my future. I'm so tired of stressing and crying about school. It is not supposed to be this stressful and everybody who has no clue about what is going on in the situation just keeps saying "It's life. It's just a phase of growing up." Excuse me, not everybody goes through this. They don't get their hopes up every time to be told they can't do what they dreamed of doing.

I wanted to be an OBGYN all my life only to take one stupid medicine that was prescribed to me for my medical issues that caused my hands to shake to wear I can't even poor a drnk into a glass without shaking like I'm on drugs or somethings wrong with me. And I absolutely hate the question "ARe you okay? Why are your hands shaking like that?" It's just what I do.

I wanted to be a sonographer only to find that after I got accepted into the program that the program had lost its accredidation so I ended up deciding not to go through with it because I would only be able to get a job in the town I've lived in my whole life. If I ever moved I would have to go back to school because my degree wouldn't transfer.

Then I decided to go to school for nursing. I decided that a midwife would be an amazing job for me and be close to the original OBGYN that I wanted to be. After retaking many classes so that they were "Nursing major happy" meaning I had to retake classes like Anatomy and Physiology because the ones I had were labeled "for healthcare" and those were not accepted in nursing. Then after two times applying to get into the nursing program and both times being denied. I just decided that I didn't have time to keep applying and getting let down. That got me to thinking if a nursing job was really meant for me. I want a husband and a family and I want to be able to attend family functions on the weekend and not always be working. I know many of you out there are nurses and I give you so much credit, but there is some reason why I did not get in twice and apparently it is not meant to be for me.

Then I decided that I would like to swap to Psychology which got me to doing research and I decided that I really wanted to graduate with a Social Work degree. Both have the same classes for a social work degree. I have a better chance of getting a job with a social work degree than with a associates in psychology so I decided the go with social work, which seemed like the right thing for me. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulder and that I could always swap to Psychology if I didn't like Social Work.

And then, here I am today sad, crying, hurting again because I don't know where to go from here. Mom's mad at me because everytime she brings up the subject I start crying ans telling her I just don't want to talk about it. Apparently according to her it's not the end of the world. But it is when you are tired of school already and tired of just standing still and not getting anywhere after so much hard work. And yet she now just wants to throw me into a degree when I've been telling her from the beginning: I want all or nothing and I don't just want some career that I wont be happy with. And then I also have said that I probably will never go back to school if I graduate with a career degree that automatically get's me a job after all I've been through with college so far.

Sorry for ranting to you all about school, but this is a diary to me so I have to come here and let it all out :(