Please keep my grandmother in your prayers

I couldn't post this in the last post because it needs a post by itself. During church today, my Grandma went up and asked for prayer. The preacher started praying asking God to help her through this and my mom and I understood his say the word malignant. We both looked at each other with a quizzical look because we knew that could only mean one thing. After church my Grandma came up and hugged us with tears in her eyes and told us that the doctor found a tummor/mass in her neck. We will find out soon if it is malignant or not and it will probably have to be removed. Her father died of lymph node cancer and that is where there mass is located. We are praying that it is not malignant. They also found a lump in her breast that is going to have to be tested, but right now the focus seems to be on the tumor because it is pretty big. I'm so scared. Please keep my grandmother in your prayers!

Today

Church was great today.
I do have to vent on teenagers in church. I, myself, being only 18 am still considered a teenager, but geez kids please stop sitting in groups talking, passing notes, and texting during the sermon. It bothers me to no end. The preacher told them to stop talking once and then also asked them to stop texting and passing notes. It's rediculous that they feel the need to come to church and spend the whole time doing that.

Anyways my outfit looked something like this today:

Bachelorette Party!

So I am soo excited. I've never actually been to a bachelorette party and definately never threw one, but I will be throwing my sister one very soon. I have to decide the food,games, decorations, and other quirks. If you've every thrown a bachelorette party or had one yourself, please send me some ideas! I can't wait and I know I will make it a night worth remembering!

My tips ran away!

Kelly over at http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/2010/01/show-us-your-life-fashion-tips.html does a Show us your life every week that I have been reading about and trying to get into. This week the topic is fashion tips, which is right down my alley :)

1. I love to get tank tops and cute summer shirts at the end of the season or on sale for really low prices. I go to Kohl's and get the often for $3.20, $2.40, or $1.60. I then wear them with a blue jean jacket and cute scarfs and jeans with boots or I pare them with a really cute jacket in the color of the outfit or just a simple lack jacket and add pearls to dress it up. You can do a lot with a tank top. I also take them and put them with a skirt and cut off sweaters and add a whole nother look to the outfit. I love dressing up a tank top.



2. I absolutely love Ross for dresses and cute shoes! I usually try to stay upunder 20 dollars for shoes and I can get really cute ones for that price from Ross while they still are in Season. Also, Kohl's is a good place to shop for shoes for a good price, just look in the clearance isle's :)

3. I know that white does not look good on my size, so I refrain from it. I'm not sure if it does this to anyone else, but it always makes me look bigger.I stray away from white.

4. Horizontal stripes also make me look huge.

5. I absolutely love the plaid shirts that are in right now.


6. I love leggings and tights. They can dress up or dress down a lot of outfits!

7. I absolutely love flats and heels! I have too many heels known to man and not enough flats. I would love to have some more flats. I would be the happiest girl in the world if I could invest in 2 to 3 more pair!

8. I am also guilty of being one of those girls that hates to go around in work out clothes, unless I'm actually workng out. My busy schedule has me doing Zumba at 9 in the morning, so I come to class dressed and then after class I change for a total of 4 hours and then I change again back into work out clothes to go work out. It's horrible. I get so tired of changing, but I just dont want to go around looking horrible.

9. I absolutely love headbands. I need more of those also, but oh well they create a really cute look and they becamemy best friend when I first cut my hair short!

Well I have a lot of tips that just won't pop in my head right now :( so I'm going to leave y'all with that! I can't wait to read all of you guys' tips!

Them heavenly cookies sure do add up!

I'm excited! I found out today that my application to be a peer mentor for a foreign exchange student at my college went through. I have my first meeting with the group Monday and I get to meet my person. I'm so excited. This brings me to a story about my Zumba friend. I have a friend from Korea( I can't remember whether she's from south or north). Anyways she is cute as a button. She always comes and stands near me and another girl in the class and we always have really cute and funny talks. For instance here is a convo from class on Monday:

ME: How was your weekend?
Her: It was GREAT!!
We all three laughed.
ME: What did you do?
Her: I went to and old church.
Then she asked the other girl if she knew of "church's name".
The other girl and me exchanged really funny looks because it was actually one of our newer churches in town.
She then went on to say this:
Her: It was their 100 year Birthday celebration and there was lots of food. I had never had all these American desserts so I skipped food and piled my plate with cheese cakes, and cookies..oh them cookies were soooo goood...and brownies..and etc.
Us: Oh my goodness.
Me: You didn't get sick did you?
Her: No, but then they had a class for the foreign students there and I learned how to make those cookies and Oh My goodness, if I knew how much sugar went in those I wouldn't have ate soooo many.
Me: They were good though, right?
Her: Yes, but I kept stopping pouring sugar in and the lady, she would go no add more, don't stop pouring. I thought I was never going to stop putting sugar in.
The other girl: What kind of cookies were they?
Her: Oatmeal Chocolate Chip
All of us: MMMMM
ME: Alright girl lets go work off all them cookies and all that food I ate this weekend also :)

I would be so happy if I ended up with her as my mentee, but I doubt it will happen, so I can't wait to see who I get to show around and hang out with! I love learning about other cultures :)

On a different note, here are some things I am loving right now!


This cherry cobbler tastes like heaven and is only 100 calories and fat free :)
MMMMM

I was introduced to these by a bloggy friend and I am completely in love. I mean pizza for only 200 calories, what more can you ask for!
Need I say anymore :)

The scoop on these creatures we call men!

Hmm, I should be writing a paper, doing a lab, memorizing lines from Othello and getting ready for a speech. All of these are due Friday and I want to go to a free bowling night tomorrow for the students at the college, but I just have to blog. I can't leave y'all out!

Well my lovely question/rant for today is what is the deal with guys today? I mean seriously, do they not get the hints or are they just pretending.

Example numbero uno: "Mr. Crab" should have been able to tell I liked him for months. I mean we act like we like each other and things have came close to being more, but in the end he always runs back to his gf and then he acts like he likes my friends when they come around also and I feel as thought there is no, absolutely NO point in trying with him anymore.

Example numbero dos: "Mr. High School Musical" acted very interested when we first met and we talked often, only to find out he had a gf. He still continued to talk and flirt but was a decent man and didn't do anything a boy with a gf shouldn't have. I know his gf and decided a long time ago to just stop talking to him so that I didn't get feelings for him more than I already did, because well I fall easy.(in other words if numbero uno or numbero dos asked me out I would say yes without a doubt because I'm that caught up) Anyways, we see each other around campus often, like today we saw each other 3 or 4 times and he always said hey and gave me that cute smile with them pretty blue eyes. Unfortunately I jut say hey and smile back and keep walking because I do not want to come between him and his gf and I know he doesn't like me like that or I atleast assume it. And then I found out this afternoon that the reason I hadn't really been hearing from him this semester is because he moved in with his gf. Another one bites the dust.

Example numbero tres: "Mr. Java" acts like he likes me without a doubt and people even asked me if we dated and why we wasnt dating anymore and all kinds of stuff when I went to parties. He likes to play around and wrestle and have a good time with me and I enjoy it, but sometimes I get scared that he only is after one thing and I run so that he has no reason to only try to talk to me for that reason. I want a bf not a friends with benefits and sometimes I'm scared that's all he's aiming for because of his friends. Honestly I think he really does like me, but I just don't know what to do.

And then theres always the guys that actually do like me and I either don't like them or I run.

a. I had a cute, nicely built guy that liked me, but he is really short and friends with a lot of people I don't like, so I told him I was caught up on someone else (example numbero uno above) and he left me alone.

b. Then theres always random guys trying to hollar at me and talk to me and I just keep walking and purposely avoid them, because well they are either too immature or not what I'm looking for. For instance, today Morgan and me were playing tennis and we walked by this set of 4 really loud guys and went to the court farthest away from them and even got where the baseball players(we don't like being where they can see us, because we look a mess "trying" to play) could see us, just because we didn't want to be near them. About 45 minutes into playing the same boys came and got into the court that joins the one we were in. They acted VERY immature and loud and said a lot of cuss words just trying to look cool and get our attention. It was quite annoying and we ended up calling it quits. As we were leaving they asked us to play a double with them but we declined nicely. I couldn't handle anymore.

So, WHY oh WHY do guys have to either be off the market, blind, insensitive, jerks, immature, or just not what a girl is looking for? I want a good guy that I can have a good time with and love. He doesnt have to be my future husband, because by all means dating surely doesn't always come with marriage, but I would love to have someone to atleast go on a date with. Guys now days don't even do that.

So tell me this ladies, how do you work it and attract the right type of guys? I need to know the tricks and all of the down low. Fill me in on the scoop, pretty pretty please!!!

What would you do?

Okay so it's not anything new that my two best friends do not get along. The reason why, I dont know. Well truthfully one would get along with the other, if the other would get along with her and not make snoody remarks all the time. Anyways I have asked both to be nice to each other and not talk bad about the other around me, because it was not right to me. So they have dealt with each other for the sake of me. I hang out with my bestfriend, Morgan, the most because she has been in my life since 3rd grade and my best friend since 9th grade. She is a part of my life and my families life and they all consider her to be one of us. She eats lunch with us everyday I have class and stays at my house most weekends and any other chance she gets. The other friend, K, has only been my friend since the start of college which was in August. She is majorly jealous of Morgan, or so I assume by her actions. We through her a bday party and had lots of good times together, the three of us, last semester. Well this semester has been nothing but problems. I am losing my mind. If you know me, then you know that I am one of those people that simply jokes around all the time. Well, Morgan and me often do things alone and so does K and me and sometimes we do things all together. K often likes to stay home in bed or hang with her other best friend thats a guy. Well, I don't know what set her off at the skating ring Thursday night at one of our free college events, but she kept making morgan and me skate with her because we were scared of falling and I had a hurt knee. If she saw that we was not skating she would come find us and drag us back out there. Well K has been setting up a IM dodgeball team, but never offered to ask morgan or me if we wanted to be a part of it. Anyways, after skating one round she asked one of the soccer girls to be on her team with all of the soccer guys. I had been playing with her about the dodgeball team for weeks and I truthfully did not want to pay dodgeball, because tennis and dancing was bad enough on my knees already and I am already going to have to go see a doctor if my knee does not get better. Anyways, I was like how come she gets invited to be on your team and I dont and she replied because their can only be two girls, well I playfully was like but I'm supposed to be your bestfriend, with a sad pouty face. Well she blew up and was like Morgan and you don't invite me to do all the things y'all do, so I don't have to have you doing everything I do. I was very upet though I was just like whatever and she stormed off. I texted her about 15 min later while we was still there and told her I was just playing with her and she was like Whatever. Well we went all day Friday not talking, which is hard because she works for my mom and I stay in her office between classes. Well I gave her time and imed her on faceook last night and was like are you still mad which resulted in her saying what do you think, so I was like I'm assuming thats a yes and she was like yup, I'm still highly pissed. So I was like you know I was just playing and she replied that she knew me to well and knew that I wasnt. Apparently she doesnt know me as much as she thinks she does and apparently doesnt know as much as I thought she knew about me. Anyways, during Zumba this morning I left her spot open, because she did not get there early as usual. She came in late with a pissed off look on her face and would not stand there. She stood at the back of the room. I finally have got a few laughs out of her by showing her stuff that reminded me of her because she is in love with cats and we had a few exchanges of words, but it's not like usual and she did'nt invite me to go get the mail with her as usual. Well when she came back I had to tell her about some of the music majors coming looking for her to serenade her with a saxaphone and a song and we had a few laughs and a litte convo. I finally was like, so am I sitting next to you tomorrow in class or do I have to sit a whole yard away and she was like next to me..duh.

So maybe things are getting better, but this is the girl who can hold a grudge for a whole lifetime and more. Am I doing the right thing by trying or should I just give up or what is your view on this situation? I mean I don't want to lose her as a friend, because she is a bestfriend, but I don't want to be the only one trying and have to try forever to be friends with her over something as stupid as a game of dodgeball!

He's Amazing!

Church was soooo amazing today. I was afraid we would not make it in time because I was lazying around with my hurt knee and my mom had a massive headache that was making her nauseas, but we made it there in time. I'm so glad we did, because God was everywhere. Church started off with the chorus singing as usual and then our church band sung the most beautiful song and I almost cried my eyes out ( I did cry, but I held a lot in). It touched me along with others in the church. If you are Church of God, then you may know what I mean when I say it sent my Grandmother along with someone else running. I have a version of the song they sung today, but it in no way compares to how they sung it. We had a guest speaker, which means that my mind wondered most of church. He was all over the place and didnt stay on one topic, but God came out torwards the end and 6 teenage boys along with a few others renewed their faith with God. It was wonderful and by the end of the ceremony, I believe it also got the best of the guest preacher, because he too fell down on his knees and cried his eyes out.

We didnt stay long today because the weather was rally bad and we needed to get home before the wind got to bad, but I hope you enjoy this song as much as I did, though it is still not as amazing as it was sung by the group today.

I did it! I did it! I did it!

Apparently with all my talking of how much I loved blogging and the friends I created through it, I convinced my bestie to create a blog. I helped her make one tonight and although she is not sure of what all to say right this second, she is on her way to having a great blog that I am sure all of you will enjoy reading. Who knows, she might end up talking y'alls heads off before it's over. I kid, I kid. Anyways go check out morgan @ http://www.morgancato.blogspot.com/

I still shine even when its dark..I'm talking about my legs :)

Okay bloggy friends, I have a huge dilemma! I am seriously white! I will not go another spring and summer without having at least a little bit of a tan. I plan on starting to go to a tanning bed here in town soon, but I'm currently thinking about pulling back out the shorts for tennis seeing as how we go after lunch and its always hot. I do not want to be super white out there..lol..seeing as how my friend and I were keeping our tennis adventures a secret until yesterday when our very close guy friends spotted us out there and now know our secret and might pop by anytime. It doesnt help that they have soccer practive on the field right behind the tennis courts. Anyways I need a really good self tanner. What are your views on tanning and self tanners and what kind/kinds should I use?

Zumba weekend and picnic :)

This weekend my brother and his fiance came into town. She came out of her shell a little bit and talked a lot to me and my friend, who pretty much lives here and is part of the family also. She hasn't done Zumba since she came over from Guam and it just so happened that when I called the gym they had a class on Sunday and we could go. Yes :( I missed church this weekend to stay in town and go to Zumba with Joyce, but I believe it was worth it. We had a good time. The Zumba at the gym is different from the Zumba I do at school and she did in Guam. Both Joyce's and my teacher have taught us the latin/hispanic type of Zumba and the class at the gym is called Zumba, but they teach Jamaican style Zumba. I don't understand how their could be a difference, but it was fun although I wish she could have actually came to my class at school because that's the type of Zumba we are both used to.

I'm so excited. The bestie and I have decided to go on a picnic tomorrow for lunch instead of rushing to eat and get back and to class by one. I'm assuming the menu is finalized and we are having chicken salad, nuttella peanut butter sandwiches, apples, and some yummy rice krispy treats. I'm not sure about drinks yet, we really wanted some orange pineapple juice, but I'm assuming it might just be water. If this goes well tomorrow we probably will be doing this a lot more often seeing as how there is a park just down the road from the college.

Picnic in the park :)

My friend and I have a one hour lunch break between classes tomorrow and we have decided that we want to have a picnic seeing as how the weather is wonderful outside right now. I need some suggestions on some yummy easy food that can be made ahead and left in the fridge in my moms office or in an ice chest :)

An award right before class time :)

Thanks to Southern Cinderella for this wonderful award :)


The rules of this award are as follows
1. To accept the award, you must post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted you the award, and a link to their blog.
2. Pass the award on to approximately 15 other blogs that you recently discovered, and think are great!
3. Contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

I tag these wonderful blogs :)
1. shortsouthernmomma
2. Brown Eyed Belle
3. The Swede Records
4. Social Climbers
5. Delightfully Domestic
6. Living my Glamorous Life
7. myarizonaangels
8. Diary of a Stay at Home Mom
9. She Can't Decide

I'm stopping at 9 because I have to be at class in a few minutes, but I hope everyone enjoys their award. And can someone please, please, please tell me how to link back to someones blog. I can not remember for the life of me and it's getting on my nerves :(

Snacks

Here are some of my favorite snacks. I am really in need of some healthy snacks, so what all do you snack on?

pure heaven :)
love these!

and then theres apples and peanut butter and grapefruit with a tad of sugar on top, but I need some new ones!

Tennis and my current cute likings :)

I played tennis today for the first time ever. I got the hang of it and I absolutely love it. Anyways here are some of my favorite things from Forever 21 at the moment :)

Award Speech

I have to do a speech Friday as if I am recieving an award and giving a thank you/acceptance speech. I have to pick an off the wall award and it has to be something about me, something random and different. Does anybody have any suggestions?

You raise me up!

My weekend was pretty good. Friday my best friend and I went out to eat with my parents and then splurged and went and got some Strawberry Cheesecake yogurt from TCBY and rented some movies. We stayed in and tried to fight out eyelids! We succeeded and at least got the second movie watched..lol.

Saturday, I woke up and went to Target with my mom and the bestie and we ate Zaxbys for lunch. I really wanted to try the chicken salad sandwich meal, but I wasnt sure how there chicken salad tasted, so I passed. I LOVE chicken salad, exspecially when it has grapes in it :) Then we went shopping at Kohl's and got a really cute picture frame thats a cherry color, holds three or two pics, and says something about living on it. It's so cute and my mom got two packs of 3pack wrapping paper for next Christmas. She spent a total of 8 dollars in there. I was soo suprised. Then we went to Ross's and I got the cutest dress for 10.99. I wanted to take a pic in it but was in a rush this morning to get out of here. Anyways its got a black top with an elastic band and a royal blue, white, and black flower design at the bottom. I loved it. I also got a cute dressy black corduroy type jacket to wear with my dressier clothes for 12.99. My mom got a 2 piece dress for 12.99 and a black dressy jacket for 10 also. We was very excited with out deals and next weekend I'm getting the cutest cupcake heart tin pan. If they dont have it, I will be sooo upset. Then we came home and put on my new bed spread and stuff on my bed that I've been holding out from putting on my bed all week and I worked on some school work. I've learned not to make plans because when I do the stuff never happens, but if I just play it by ear I always end up doing something. Seeing as how the guys were busy watching football, we decided to go to Joe Muggs and get us some really good hot chocolate. They decided to call while we were there and we met my other bestie and headed to the guys' house. Theres this weird deal with the security guards there and we have to park down the street after ten and walk through this path through the woods to get there. Well on the way there we walked with some friends but the three of us were walking back alone and one of my friends got lost becuase it was so muddy and we were struggling to stay together. Morgan and me doubled back but we couldnt find her so we called her. She ended up crying and we finally made her flash her camera so we could possibly find her. She was near the road so we told her how to get there and we walked the road and met her. It was 13 degrees and we had to walk a good mile to get to her car. Needless to say the night was really fun, but I could have done without that little extravaganza! For now on we will have a ride back or somebody walk with us and us bring them back. We are big girls but still not big enough to hike through the woods at night without a manly figure with us..lol

This morning I got up and put on my cute new dress with the new jacket, some black tights and some black heels and headed with my mom to church. We told my grandparents we was coming to eat lunch with them, but not that we was going to go to church first. I was so adament about getting there and knew I had only an hour to get there, so I was flying. I almost got pulled over, but I think the officer knew how bad I wanted to get to church and he just flashed his lights at me telling me to slow down. We got there about 5-10 minutes before church started. The look on my Grandmas face when we walked in was priceless She made us come sit near her and I was sitting behind my grandaddy so I was like "hey stranger" behind him and he turned around with the biggest grin on his face and asked "where did y'all come from", I simply replied "Albany". Everybody around us that was coming up and hugging us, because they hadn't seen us in quite some time, started laughing along with my grandaddy. I felt a lot during the service and new God was talking straight to me twice during the service and I had to fight the urge to breakdown and cry. I made my grandma really happy after church over dinner when I told her this was going to become an every Sunday thing because I needed to go to church. She is proud of me. We spent the day with them and went to my cousins little boys birthday. The theme was John Deere and it was a really cute birthday party!

Well I guess I've talked your ears off enough for one day. I hope everybody else had a wonderful weekend!

happy happy :)

I would like to thank Tales of a Short Southern Momma for giving me this lovely award! It's the first one I've gotten in a long time. I'm sooo excited! Thanks sooo much!

The Happy 101 Award is to thank the wonderful bloggers that make you smile!


Here are the rules:
List 10 things that make you happy.
(try to do one of those things TODAY!)


Tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day.
Make sure to link back to the person that tagged you!

1. My family and friends!! I don't know what I would do without them :)

2. Blogging!

3. Trying different coffee drinks and hot chocolate (preferably with the good homeade taste and whip cream or marshmallows, but i'll drink it anyway :)

4. Reading and watching movies.

5. Baking and cooking. I absoltely love cuppycakes and anything I can find in stores that has cuppycakes on it. LOVE IT!!!

6. Shopping. Especially for shoes!!! I love shoes with a passion! Especially when I can get really good deals on them!

7. Dora and Carebears and Hello Kitty. Yup thats right.I am still a little kid at heart.

8. Working out, whether its Zumba, running, walking, or working out on machines. I always feel really rejuvenated and happy after working out. I get a good burst of energy and confidence.

9. Wine glasses and shot glasses...JUST TO COLLECT..lol. I love the ones with Marilyn Monroe and Betty Boop and all that good stuff on it :)

10. Lime Green :)

Check and see if I tagged you :)
1. Southern Cinderella
2. A Goddess in Progress!
3. Tales of a Northern Belle
4. Lil Bits and Pieces of Me
5. The Swede Records
6. The Pink Chick
7. Social Climbers
8. The Shabby Tiara
9. Chic & Pink
10. According to Christa...

( I can not remember for the life of me how to actually make the links to the profiles :(

Check this out!

This is a wonderful giveaway!

http://xoxoyvonne.blogspot.com/2010/01/giveaway-time.html#comment-form

New Years Resolutions!

My 2010 New Year's Resolutions:

1. I would like to work out as much as possible. At least run and walk three times a week, if not more. Plus Zumba :)

2. I would like to eat healthier. I've heard good things about an apple a day and half a grapefruit 3 times a day. Maybe I should try those out.

3. I would like to find a job. It needs to be just something little, so I still have time to pass all my classes and enjoy college life.

4. I would like to dress pretty and use up my shoe collection as much as possible. No more just getting up and throwing a t-shirt and jeans on. I have too many cute clothes and too many nice shoes to not strut my stuff, even if it is just to go to class. This includes make-up!

5. I want to start going back to church. I'm currently working on this and hopefully starting back Sunday. :)

My day and Sports bra advice!

For starters, I would like to thank Heather at A Goddess in Progress! for my lovely header! I absolutely LOVE it!!!

:) :) :) :) :)

Today was my first day back to school. I was soo nervous that I was going to end up with bad classes and not nice people, but it seems that I did a good job with my schedule. Here's the sum up of my day:
-Woke up, fought static, froze to the car, had to park a mile away, froze getting into the building(wearing yoga pants and a tshirt).
-Zumba :) All I can say was AMAZING. I knew I loved it when I tried it out, but I had those steps down pat today. I was pretty good at staying on beat. I think the practice classes helped. Me and the bestie kicked booties in that class. Sadly I only have it on Monday and Wednesday so I have to wait forever before another class. :(
-Then I have an hour between Zumba and my next class. Perfect amount of time to chill in my moms office and get all prettyful :)
-Then I went to English Comp, which is quite wierd because I know most of my teachers by first names due to them working with my mom. She picked on me and told everybody I broke the copier and I told her it was fixxed but apparently she came back in at 5 today and the copier had broken again around 1:30. GRR!
-Lunch, nothing special
-And then the most dreaded class of all, Speech. I'm super shy and then my class is with all my soccer player friends. ugh..and yet again the teacher loved to use me as an example. She picked on me a lot. Maybe she will bring me out of some of my shyness.
-After class I went back to the gym and walked and ran with my other bestie and then we worked out on some machines. Seeing as how im sore now and the machine said I burned lot's of calories, I'm extremely happy!

Now, I need your help. Sports Bras seem to be soooo exspensive and if I'm going to pay big money for one, I would like a good one. So does anybody have any advice about a non-exspensive really good sports bra. I really need a good one because running today was hurting so bad, which isn't goot at all :(

Some more pics:

Through Him all things are possible

Yesterday I went with my parents to Augusta to meet my sister half way from her town in NC. We had car trouble on the way back, which added an excess amount of my thinking. I tried to sleep most of the way there, because I knew it would be hard dropping the kids back off to not be able to see the much throughout the year. Last year we only saw them a little bit in the summer and a few weekends out of the year and the half of their Christmas break their father did not have them. I believe we also had them for their spring break. Sunday when we picked them up he had a paper ready for us to take back to my sister. We knew he had it, because he had called her and said that she "better" sign it within two weeks or he was taking her back to court. He wants the kids to travel from Goldsboro, NC to Jacksonville, FL every other weekend. He expects my sister to meet him half way. My siste tried to work out a deal with him where he gets them every 3rd weekend of the monthe and a few weeks out of the summer plus their swapped holidays. He wants them pretty much ever school holiday and much more, so I figure I probably wont see the kids much this year. It hurts a lot when they were once an everyday part of your life. It feels like someone has taken my kids from me. It sucks. The little boy even showed up with a skent face, shoulder, and leg. Apparently his daddy didnt feel the need to call his mom and tell him that he got into a motorcycle accident. It made me really mad. And he sat there and lied to our faces saying that L had on one of those helmets that only covers the top of his head when he had the accident and they had to get him a full face mask after the wreck. Well the kids finally blurted out last night when we were telling his mom that L never even had a helmet on at all. WTF? Who puts a 9 year old on a motorcycle to drive by himself without some kind of armor. I was highly upset.

So when we dropped them off yesterday I had tears in my eyes and L cried and C was a big girl but she came calling us last night after her Mom and everybody went to bed to say she missed us and loved us.

I don't know if that's what caused all of my thinking, but a lot has been on my mind now. I fought tears so much on the ride back yesterday and sitting on the side of interstate for a while didnt help much either.

Here are many of my thoughts at the moment:

1. I feel like I have completely abandoned God and church and my religion. Of course I still believe, but I feel as though I'm not being a good Christian, because I can't find a good church to go to. It really is gettin at me. I even feel as though I don't actually know how to pray and that hurts a lot. I would like for my mom and me to get back into going to church. I have one problem though, the church I would like to go to has become a VERY BIG church and I don't do well in crowds and the rest of the churches are really small, but we have tried them out and they are just not the same. And the only church I have ever really loved is an hour away where my grandparents live. I often believe it would be worth it to make the trip every Sunday morning to go to church with my granparents at the church I feel at home at and then have lunch with my grandparents after and then come home. If thats what needs to be done to get me going back to church, then I think thats what needs to be done. I miss it so much!

2. I am easily pursued and easily enfluenced. With this I feel like I am doing things for others instead of myself. I feel like somewhere along the way I have lost the real ME. I do things for others a not for myself. Yes, I enjoy partying and hanging with friends, but at some point in time I feel like I am doing it to much. I've always been the stay at home, watch a movie atleast one night out of the weekend and I've often loved to make meals for everyone before they get home and bake in my free time, but since I've introduced my best friends to my soccer friends all she wants to do is go over there all the time and i'm her ride. And I believe when I say she wants to go over there for the "wrong" reasons, you know what I mean. I don't really want to go to far into that one and get upset more, but I'm afraid they will end up believing I am like her and I'm not. They are all my friends, but there is only one guy there that I would even have a relationship with and I doubt that will happen, because he leaves at the end of the semester. I care about him a lot and we've talked a lot during the break, but I feel like it's a lost cause.

3. I've always thought of myself to be the settle down type, but theres no way I can do that if I can't even find a guy. I want a real relationship. I want someone to share families with and holidays with. I want someone to love and someone to grow old with, but I am hard on myself because I don't feel like I will ever find that person. And I feel as though I'm spending all my time and giving my heart to a guy that won't be there anymore after a few months, instead of just going out there and trying to find someone that will. I'm also really shy and if a guy does try to talk to me, I don't know how to respond back. I feel like finding love is just a endless cause.

4. And last but certainly not least, I'm scared that when I do find Mr. Right that I won't be able to have children. I'm scared that due to my Endometreosis and my IBS and Chrones disease and my slow colon that I will not be able to have kids. I've been told that it should be okay, but I know what I have read and what people have told me and not a day goes by that I don't think what if I can't have a baby. I've always been one of those girls that has wanted a baby. I've always oohed and ahhed at babies and just sat there and hoped and wished that one day I would be able to have my own little bundle of joy. My family members have even had conversations with my mom or my sister telling them that they pray that I am able to have them one day because they know how much I want one. But I know if it's meant to be God will find a way. I will never lose hope in him, because through Him all things are possible.


On to a better note. I had a photo shoot the other day and here are some pics from it :)

I hate the look on my face in that one, but everybody seems to love it because it shows my crazy personality..hmmm
I will not be using this one for my portfolio because of it showing my tattoo but the girl that took my pics loved my tat and had to take a pic.

It was really cold and windy!
I think this is a really cute pic regardless of the one thing across my face..lol

I will post some more in my next post..if I forget I give you permission to fuss at me :)

Big Lot's After Season Sales :)

Sadly, I didn't get a chance to get pictures of the first set of goodies I brought, but the other night I went to Big Lot's and they also had a lot of goodies for 50%-80% off. I was soo excited. We waited on some stuff, but there was some stuff they only had a few of and we just couldn't leave the store without. Here are some of our goodies:



These I thought would be really cute to put up for my tree one day :) Along with the next ones!

I loved these!!!

My mom wanted these, even though she had already brought some the other day, because each year it seems as though our family keeps increasing!

Layout dillemma :(

I have this really good post I want to write and another one on some deals I recieved this past weekend, but I don't want to post them until I change my layout. It's not longer Christmas and even past new years. I need to get rid of the Christmas layout, but I have searched and searched and I can not for the life of me find a really cute layout thats, well ME! Can anybody point me in the direction of any good ones or help me in finding a really cute layout?