Fear- F everything and run!

*I was sooo scared to post this, because I don't want you all to think of me different and because it's really personal, but here it is anyways. If you think you might be offended then I apologize in advance!*

"WE NEED TO TALK"

I hate those four words with a passion.

Everybody says that those four words could mean anything from I want to break up, I'm seeing someone else, I'm pregnant, or even I want to take our relationship to the next level.

In my case it was "I just can't handle a relationship right now". Apparently all his stress and depression has gotten to him. He still wants to talk, but doesn't think it's fair to me to have to deal with his mood swings. Perfect timing buddy! So here I am left with a man I love that I can only be friends with for a while. Maybe one day we will get back together. Hopefully. And then I'm left with fear. Fear of what lies ahead. I'm sooo scared. I wish I knew for sure what was going on with me. God only knows.

Maybe you can even help:
I'm either a week and 6 days late or 6 days late
Nausea
Cramps like I'm on it
Really tired/ I can't even watch a movie that I'm really into without falling asleep
Hungry, but can't eat
Dizziness
Mood swings
Constantly peeing (I don't even know how I'm going to make the one hour drive to church and the one hour in church this morning :(

But the test is negative.

So, now what? Thats all I keep saying. If it's negative, wheres it at? Why am I like I am? What's wrong with me? I'm soooo scared. What do I do?

Don't worry, Be happy!

I decided to play along :P

Ten Hows:

1. How did you get one of your scars? I have a scar above my right eye, right below my eyebrow. When my niece and nephew lived with me I would practice with them on their throwing and catching skills on their days off from practice. They usually swapped out. I would throw the ball to one and the would hold it and I would throw the ball to the other one and then the first one would throw the ball back and then the second one. Well one day I guess they forgot the trend because I found myself getting hit in both of my eyes at the same time from a softball and a baseball. It was horrible. My glasses were broken and they had cut my eye. I came inside and cried. They thought I was upset with them but I just didnt want them to see me cry. It was horrible. I had black eyes for quite a few days and the scar is still their and noticeable.lol

2. How did you celebrate your last birthday? I had a bonfire followed by a trip to the haunted seven churches (look it up) where we got stuck at and had to get pulled out. It was very scary but very fun and memorable!

3. How are you feeling at this moment? Excited. Just checked the scales and I'm down ten pounds!!!! :) And my new belly button rings came in the mail today :)

4. How did your night last night go? It was wonderful. I watched movies with my boyfriend and his sister. It was good getting to know her. She's married, but her husband is currently working out of town :(

5. How did you do in high school? ugh I was always sick and had to be on homebound a lot. The didnt want me to graduate although I had the grades for it.

6. How did you get the shirt you are wearing? my mommy brought it for me from kohls

7. How often do you see your best friend? Pretty much everyday

8. How much did you spend last month? A lot

9. How old do you want to be when you get married? I just want it to be the right person.

10. How old will you be on your next birthday? 19! April 12th :)



Nine Whats:

1. What's your mother's name? Gail

2. What did you do last weekend? Bachelorette party, Wedding shower, and spent time with my sister, future sister in law, mom, and kids

3. What is the most important part of your life? Family, Boyfriend, Friends, School, MY future! Living life!

4. What would you rather be doing? At the beach with my boyfriend and his sister and her husband

5. What did you last cry over? Didnt feel good

6. What always makes you feel better when you're upset? hugs. kisses. icecream. baking. quotes. music. dancing.

7. Whats the most important thing you look for in a significant other? trust, respect, honesty, humor.

8. What are you worried about? my future

9. What did you have for breakfast? Apple Jacks


Eight Have You's:

1. Have you every liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? Guilty as charged :(

2. Have you ever had your heart broken? yup :(


3. Have you ever been out of the country? Nope. One day :)

4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? OH yes!

5. Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend? Sadly, yes.

6. Have you ever had sex on the beach? (The drink or the actual act?) Well I've had neither..lol

7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Nope

8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Yup

Seven Who's:

1. Who was the last person you saw? Josh

2. Who was the last person you texted? Josh ♥

3. Who was the last person you hung out with? Josh and Amanda(his sister)

4. Who was the last person to call you? My mommy :)

5. Who did you last hug? Josh!

6. Who is the last person who texted you? Josh :)

7. Who was the last person you said "i love you" to? you guessed it :) Josh!

Six Where's:

1. Where does your best friend live? On the other side of town

2. Where did you last go? Amanda's house

3. Where did you last hang out? Amanda's house

4. Where do you go to School? Darton College


5. Where is your favorite place to be? In his arms :)

6. Where did you sleep last night? My bed

Five Do's/Does?

1. Do you like someone right now? I do

2. Do you think anyone likes you? Of course

3. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Not really

4. Do you know the muffin man? Mmhmm :)

5. Does the future scare you? More than you know

Four why's:

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)? Because she has just as many marbles loose as i do :)

2. Why did you get a myspace? Everybody had one

3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? Because my granny didn't like the name Kyrsely, which was the name they was going to give me, so I got stuck with Carie :( It's okay because I will name my kid that one day hopefully!

4. Why are you doing this survey? Because I've been being a slacker!

Three if's:

1. If your could have one superpower what would it be? To fly



2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? Yep

3. If you were stranded on a desserted island and could bring one thing what would you bring? My boyfriend :)

The would your ever's:

1. Would you ever get back together with one of your exs if they asked you? NOPE

2. Would you ever save your head to save someone you love? Yes, but I would probably cry everyday and everytime I touched my head or looked in a mirror.

One last question:

Are you happy with your life right now? I am most definately very happy with my life :)

Wishful Wednesday: Wedding dress :)

I couldn't decide on which dress I liked the most..well the first one I fell in love with the moment I saw it. The others are really cute and the styles I like, but I am also in love with the wedding dresses that have shrugs with them, but heres what I'm aiming for!!!






The second one is to show you that I am crazy and fun and would most definately do that!!

Why Oh Why Can't I?

I'm so happy. He is bck to normal. He was back to normal yesterday and acted like the wonderful boyfriend he is. It hurt me to see him all depressed like that. I can still tell that he starts worrying every now and then, but it's not like it was. He is sooo amazing. If only I could count the amount of times he kissed my forehead last night. I love that more than anything. Oh and falling asleep in his arms and knowing he's there at all times, thats amazing too. I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. And did I mention that he can cook? Oh yes let me tell you, he might can give me a run for my money cooking SOME foods! Anyways enough about him..lol

How do you know what you are supposed to be doing in life? I mean more than anything I would love to be someones wife and be a sahm, but how do I know that I will ever be someones wife, more less someones mom, so what do you do? I assume you go to school and try to make something of yourself in case your dreams never come true. So I am going to school and trying to do just that. Then theres the whole thing of what am I going to school for? Is this really what I want to do with my life? The program I am going into wont even let me know if I make it into the program until the summer. I stress everyday and ask myself what happens if I don't get in. They only accept ten students into the program. What if I'm not one of those ten? And a part of me wants to go into the military, but I doubt any part of the military would take me. So what do you do? Lord I dont know. I can't answer my questions. I'm lost in my own little world that apparently doesnt have any answers, just unanswered questions.

Pay it forward!

I participated in a Pay it Forward not to long ago and now it's time for me to Pay it Forward to three lucky commenters of this post.

If you would like a handmade suprise from me that may be sent out at any point in time this year, then be sure to be one of the first three to comment this post.

Also, if you are one of the three, you have to also do a Pay It Forward after recieving your suprise.

Good luck, Can't wait to see who the lucky three are :)

Please give your opinion

I was going to wait until tomorrow to do this post, but I can't! Tomorrow might be to late. I can't let that happen. (This one gets kind of personal, so if you are easily offended, please don't read)

I never knew I could fall in love so fast. Thats right, I've fallen head over heels for that boy. Usually I'm the one that finds every little reason to run in the first couple of weeks. That didn't happen this time. Instead everytime I talked to him or saw him I fell even harder. He makes me smile just by saying one simple word. He makes me smile just by seeing him. I still get butterflies on the way to see him and I know I never want to lose him. He text everyday and was always telling me he missed me and that he loved me. That's right he fell for me too. When I was sick, he was sad because he couldn't see me and he didn't like that I was sick so he did something bad and if you refer to an earlier post you can see that he now has a dui :( Well it didn't stop us from seeing each other, though we couldn't see each other everyday anymore because he lives so far from me and works until 8 or 9 at night. I would go every other day and school didn't make it any easier. I would also go see him during his lunch break. Well, one day Morgan and I met him for his lunch break and he slipped up and said something about him being my husband. That opened a new conversation with us and he told me about how he wanted to marry me one day and wanted to take me wherever he went. Well one night I spent the night instead of coming all the way home at 2 in the morning because the deer are really bad. It was his decision. It was an amazing night, but some things happened that I believed changed everything and no I'm not talking sex, I'm talking more than that. Something was forgotten and although he said that's not what's bothering him, I believe it is. Anyways things were okay the rest of the night. He pulled out old pics and showed me his daughter when she was born and all through her couple of years and he showed me his family and him when he was little. The last picture in the album was of his cousin all bruised up. She is about 4 in the picture. I asked what happened and he told me about how he was really upset because a drunk driver had hit them and he was so angry at himself for driving like that that night. Then he told me how bad he really wanted to be in the army, but now had to wait because of his mistake. He showed me his folder full of all his stuff to study for the test, you military women know what I'm talking about. Then, as we were laying there trying to fall asleep I told him about how I say crazy things when I'm trying to go to sleep because I'm so tired. So he started aking me questions playing around. He kept asking me if I would go to him to different places and then he asked would I go with him if he went ot Afganistan and I replied, "I don't believe they allow your wives to go there with you." He got the answer he was looking for and made a big deal about it saying oh really your going to be my wife and said he wanted that and liked that.Anyways, everything was okay that night and the next day when I saw him during his lunch break was okay also. But, the day after that I was supposed to go eat lunch with him, but I forgot it was a Wednesday so I told him that I couldnt. Well after his lunch break he texted me acting funny. He was asking crazy questions like did I think we were good together and all this stuff. He said he thought we was as did I, but why would he have asked that. Then he was acting really down and was like what if I'm not sure I want to get married or what I want to do with my life and I told him right now was right now and forever didn't matter for now. Well I wasn't getting the cute texts for a while and I was really worried. I went to his house Thursday night because I knew I couldnt see him Friday because of the party. Everything was fine. He acted like something was bothering him, but he didnt act like it was me. He still smiled like he was in love with me and played and held me like he loved me. On my way home he texted normal like he was doing before that one day and he made sure I knew he loved me. He even calls me nerd and drew a picture with nerd in different colors and sent it to me on my ride home. Well he hasnt called me nerd since that night and he has acted down again. He went to his sisters Friday night after work while I partied. We texted a little bit, but he said he just didnt feel good. Well his cars been out of commision for a while and like me his is big car person and loves his car more than anything, so while he was working yesterday his dad went to look at yet another motor for his car and yet again he was let down, so he was really upset. Last night I bit the bubble when he texted me to say he was off, but didnt tell me to call like usual. I asked if he wanted to and he said no that he just wanted to text because he had a bad day and was upset. I asked him was it me and he said no, not at all. I then asked was we going to be okay and he said yes. I was very scared, so I was like am I losing you and he said no it was just that he was upset about his life and felt like he was working for nothing because his car was never going to get fixxed. He was really upset. I told him I would ask around and he was like don't bother. I was like I'm sorry and told him I just wanted him happy and he said that he knew and he was sorry for being so down. I ended up going on to bed and so did he. Today he is still texting funny. I asked him if I could see him tonight and he was like Idk. He used to ask me that question. Then before I could say anything about it he said that his dad had gotten him a new car. I asked him was he happy and he was like no because its not MY car. I then said I was sorry and he was like its kool. So I bit the bullet agan and was like are we falling apart because I'm really not ready to lose you and he said No your not losing me. So I ask you all this, what should I do? I love the boy more than I think I've ever loved anyone. He makes me soooo happy and I don't want to let this go. Do you think after he actually sees the car he might be okay? Do you think that maybe he just needs time to think all that throuh? Do you think the dui is weighing down on him? Or is it that we moved too fast? or Is it that mistake we made that one night? Do you think me and him will be okay? I need you all more than anything right now. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm falling apart.

My life lately!

I have been slacking these past few weeks. I am sooo sorry! I am back though. Everything is over with, but here are some highlights of my life the past few weeks.

I actually recieved this one quite a few weeks ago fromNoelle. I was in love with all the cuppycake items. I got a cute cupcake picture frame made by her, a cupcake manicure set, cupcake stamps, cupcake scrapbook paper, cupcake list pad, cupcake ornament, and cupcake liners. I was in cupcake heaven. Thanks sooo much Noelle.

Next,



I participated in Summer's I choo, choo, choose you swap I recieved a wonderful box of goodies from my swap partner, Pam! She sent me some yummy lifesavor jelly beans that are definately not in the picture because they were immediately snatched up and introduced to my tummy :) I also recieved a japanese cherry blossom gift set, a love list pad, comfy socks, a cute little packet of different sized sticky notes, a thing of sweet pea forever that had a peace sign on it :) and a caribbean escape air freshener that went right into my car :) It was in need of it. Thank you soooo much Pam. I love love loved it!!!

Next, I went on a trip to Crystal River, Fl on a manatee trip with my college. It was amazing. I met a lot of great people and made a lot of new friendships. At the start of the trip I was scared it was going to be a horrible trip because a girl that my ex talked to when we broke up about us was going on the trip and just so happened to be sitting behind me on the bus. Then, it just so happened that the six girls Morgan and me would decide to room with, would be a room with this girl, her friends, and a few new girls that we had never met. There was a few other groups of people staying in other villas that were with our college, there was a group of older ladies that knew people around the area and did their own thing, then there was a group of girls that were to good to hang and mingle with new people and get to know the rest of the people from Darton on the trip with them, then there was the 3 guys who were our bus driver and chaperones, and lastly there was a group of 5 guys. Our group had to be the best and we all became wonderful friends. Here's some pics from our trip:



Dont laugh at me in my ugly snorkel that makes me look like a boy :(

Then, Friday night I threw my sister and future sister in law a Bachelorette party. Here are the pics from that:





















I was going to fill you all in on the boyfriend situation, but I think that will have to be another post. Sorry this one is sooo long :(